Nervous For Your Therapy Session? Read This.
It can feel really nerve-wracking to start therapy, right?
Take it from someone who vividly remembers a day back in 9th grade, staring down the clock until my very first therapy session. Oh man, was I a bundle of nerves:
✨ What on earth am I gonna talk about?
✨ Is this therapist gonna be chill?
✨ Awkward silences...are they inevitable?
✨ And what if we dig up feelings that feel too big to handle?
Did you feel like that when starting therapy?
LUCKILY my friend handed me this “you got this, therapy is gonna be great!” card that afternoon, and promised it wouldn’t be as scary as I thought.
That card gave me a boost of confidence to get through the rest of the afternoon.
So, here I am, trying to be your buddy. Handing you that virtual “you got this!” card and a sprinkle of some advice to help smooth out those pre-therapy jitters.
Whether it’s your first rodeo or you’ve been on this therapy journey for a while but still get those pre-session butterflies (🙋♀️), I’ve got you.
How To Get the Most Out of Your Sessions and Deal With your Nerves.
Let’s start with some practical tips.
1.) Write down questions
If it’s your first session, make a list of any questions you have for your therapist.
Sometimes, just getting a clearer picture of how things are run can do wonders.
Some Q’s to get A’d:
What does a typical session look like?
How do we decide what to focus on in a given session?
Should I come to sessions prepared with a topic?
Do you give homework, or things to practice between sessions?
2.) Take Notes
Throughout the week, jot down anything you’re struggling with (thoughts, feelings, situations, relationships, etc.)
This is a win win.
Not only are you organizing your thoughts and getting some therapy content in the forefront of your mind, but you’re also journaling, which is a helpful tool in managing anxiety (Sohal, 2022).
3.) Be Clear On Your Goals
Have your treatment goals (what you hope to accomplish in therapy) and objectives (how you’ll know when you’ve reached your goal) written down.
Jot them out in your journal, or type them up, whatever works best for you.
If you and your therapist haven’t explicitly talked about goals or objectives, then cool, sounds like you have something to talk about next session 😎
4.) Mindfulness Moment
Lean on mindfulness as a tool for transitioning and grounding yourself a bit. You can either use this before or during the session:
Before: Set aside 5-10 minutes before your session to do a quick mindfulness meditation or breathing exercise.
During: If you have a therapist who uses mindfulness (ahem) ask them if you can start the session this way.
I love starting sessions with a quick guided meditation.
Especially with tele-therapy, it acts as a nice transition step when you’re not actually leaving your house.
5.) Values Check
Check in with your values, and remind yourself why you’re going to therapy in the first place.
Why are you willingly putting yourself through the discomfort of confronting difficult thoughts and feelings (lol am I doing a good job selling therapy?)
But really, there’s a good reason you’re carving out this time. Remembering that reason can help give you that boost to “do it scared”.
Pre Therapy Pep Talk
Alrighty friend, we went over some practical tips for easing pre-therapy nerves.
Now this is what I would write for you in your “you got this” therapy card, like my buddy made me way back when.
1.) It’s Normal to Feel Nervous.
Try your darndest to let go of that second layer of self-judgement.
If you’re starting with a new therapist, it makes SO much sense to feel nervous beforehand. I mean, come on, you’re opening up to a new person.
It’s nerve-wracking meeting new people in general, let alone ones that you have to go so deep with!
Even if you’ve been meeting with your therapist for a while, it can still feel nerve-wracking before you start a session.
This is especially true if you’re struggling with anxiety.
It’s likely gonna bring up some anxiety beforehand knowing that you’re about to confront something head on that you may typically try to avoid or distract your attention away from.
*If once you’re in the groove of the session, you’re still feeling pretty uneasy, or you think the therapist might just not be the right fit/style for you, then honor that and either bring up your concerns, or consider switching up and finding a therapist that’s a better fit for you.
2.) It’s not your job to be a “good client”.
S/O to all my people pleasers. This is one of the main reasons people can get nervous pre- therapy sesh.
If you’re feeling any pressure to be a “good therapy client” or “do a good job” in session, I’d like to help take some of that pressure off by laying out your role vs your therapist’s role in the process.
Yay boundaries!
Your Job as a Therapy Client:
It’s your job to try to show up honestly and authentically
It’s your job to try to practice and apply the takeaways from your session
It’s your job to try to give feedback when you feel like something’s working/not working.
*Try your best to make sure you pick someone who you feel safe, at ease and not judged by
The Therapist’s Job
It’s your therapist’s job to hold a safe space, create some sort of structure, and be your supportive fellow life traveler.
It’s your therapist’s job to keep you on track with your goals.
It’s your therapist’s job to help you maintain agency by not giving tons of advice or deciding what you should work on or do.
3.) I’m So Impressed That You’re Carving Out Time for Yourself.
I’m loving your dedication to tending to those tricky thoughts and feelings.
As we know, not only does that help you live the life you want, but it pays dividends and touches the lives around you in a beautiful way as well.
So, truly, you rock.
Pre Therapy Nerves- You’re welcome to be here if You like.
BC We’ve Got Strategies.
Sort through the practical advice and try whichever tips seem helpful.
If you’re someone who takes more time to warm up, or you’re finding your nerves extra high, take your time to make sure you find someone who feels easy to be around.
Ooo and maybe get out the arts and crafts kit and make yourself a pre therapy “you-got-this!” card!!! (👈 PUH-LEASE send pics if you go this route.)
Because, you do in fact, got this.
Ellie Miller, LCSW-C helps empathetic women learn the tools to manage anxiety and get in the habit of carving out the time to send all their natural, compassionate “helper” energy inward.
Check out her site to learn more about her online therapy practice serving women and couples in Maryland, Virginia and DC.
Sources
Sohal, M., Singh, P., Dhillon, B. S., & Gill, H. S. (2022). Efficacy of journaling in the management of mental illness: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Family Medicine and Community Health, 10(1).