5 Therapy Results that Are Way Better Than Getting Rid of Anxiety
A classic metaphor for anxiety is the Chinese finger trap.
You know how it works- the more you struggle to get loose from it, the tighter it gets.
As you know, the solution to getting unstuck is to drop the struggle and it’ll loosen up so you’re free to go do your thing, sans finger trap.
It really is the perfect metaphor for anxiety-
The more you try to get rid of anxiety, the stronger your anxiety becomes.
The Classic Anxiety Cycle:
How do I Stop Anxious Thoughts or Get Rid of Anxiety?
The numero uno question I get asked by my new clients is:
“how do I get rid of anxiety?” or “how do I stop anxious thoughts?”
And it’s a popular question for a good reason. Anxiety and stress are not fun to experience, not a news flash though, right?
So here’s my answer:
The way to reduce anxiety is to stop focusing on reducing anxiety.
Catch-22 ammirite?
If I were to focus solely on whether or not my client’s anxiety was reduced during the therapy process, I’d be doing them a total disservice.
Why? Because I'd inadvertently be fueling their anxiety cycle. And that’s definitely not what we want to do!
Luckily, we have a plan.
If anxiety wants to be sneaky with us, we’re gonna be sneaky with anxiety too. HAH!
Let’s Focus on Something Way better than getting rid of anxiety…
Pshh we don’t even care if you’re here or not, anxiety.
Obviously, you still want to work towards that goal of finding relief from anxiety, and I want to help you get there.
So here are 5 outcomes you may want to focus on instead of stopping anxiety altogether.
1.) Increased Mindfulness & Presence
A lot of the tools that will help you deal with anxiety are based in mindfulness.
As you practice these tools…
✨ your mindfulness muscles will grow
✨ you’ll get to enjoy greater levels of presence with your loved ones
✨ you’ll get deeper enjoyment of precious life moments and even some mundane moments that would’ve easily passed you by beforehand.
✨ You can learn to be less preoccupied with future and past worries.
Win.win.win.win.wiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnn.
Wanna learn more about my go-to mindfulness practice for anxiety?
2.) Let go of Unnecessary Sufferring
As I mentioned in the intro, the more you struggle against anxiety, the stickier and tighter it becomes.
As you learn to put less energy into getting rid of anxiety, that energy and attention can be redirected where you want it go.
I like the metaphor of the second arrow in Buddhism.
When we experience anxiety we’re hit with the first arrow of pain that comes along with anxiety. When we then frantically try to get rid of it (but can’t) it adds a second arrow aka more pain and unnecessary suffering.
So the more you learn to work with anxiety, a nice side benefit is that you end up letting go of those extra layers of pain that we instinctually add on when we’re not being intentional.
3.) Become your own best bud
When you start to dig in and get curious about your anxiety from a non-judgemental point of view you may start to notice something…
We can be pretty darn harsh on ourselves.
This self criticism is really not helpful. You don’t need that harshness on top of the pain of anxiety!
So the more you notice this happening, the more empowered you’ll be to shift towards cultivating an inner voice that’s much kinder, friendlier and supportive.
When kindness become the go to voice towards yourself, you start to feel like you’re walking around with a 24/7 best friend.
And that feels pretty nice.
Wanna get started on practicing more self compassion today?
4.) Increased Resilience & Confidence
As you relate to anxiety with more gentleness, mindfulness and presence, a really neat thing happens:
You start to feel more resilient and confident. You build trust that you can handle the ups and downs of life.
I’m sure you’ve heard of research showing all the wonderful benefits of mindfulness (cuz there are so many!)
If you wanna nerd out on the science behind it, check out these two takeaways from this study on mindfulness and resilience:
✨ “Individuals with higher mindfulness have greater resilience.” (Badri, 2016)
✨ “Mindful people can better cope with difficult thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down (Badri, 2016)
5.) More Meaning & Purpose
Here’s a question I like to ask my therapy clients":
“if you were able to stop anxiety or to get rid of anxious thoughts, how would your life look different?
Some follow up Q’s…
✨ What would you be doing more or less of?
✨ How would you show up in relationships?
✨ How would you move through your day differently?
So often when we get caught up in the storm of anxious thoughts, we start to become more guided by our worries than our values.
Therapy can help you get back in touch with the qualities and ways of showing up in the world that fire you up and make you feel alive!
Ex: If I’m preoccupied with thoughts about what I have to get done the next day, it’s hard for me to be the present mama I wanna be with my kiddos.
Or…
If my anxiety is fueling feelings of insecurity, then I may be more likely to pick myself apart or compare myself to others. That takes me away from my value of compassion.
Not cool anxiety, not cool 👎.
The more you heal anxiety, the more it frees you up to keep your values and purpose in the forefront of your mind.
Pshhh We Don’t even need to get rid of anxiety.
We got some way better goals to focus on.
There you have it, 5 game changing therapy outcomes to focus on instead of getting rid of anxiety.
Because remember:
If we focus too much of our efforts into reducing anxiety, it could end up backfiring, and that’s definitely not what we want!
Feel free to join my weekly, lighthearted newsletter, the Detangler for more anxiety healing tips and info, if you’re curious to learn more about this whole counterintuitive approach to anxiety.
Hi! I’m Ellie, a private practice therapist offering online therapy to empathetic women & couples in Maryland. I help women manage anxiety & stress and couples strengthen their relationships.
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f you want more anxiety tools and tips from my private practice, straight to your inbox, I’d love to have you join The Detangler, my weekly lighthearted newsletter.
If you live in Maryland or Virginia, reach out to see if we’re a good fit for therapy!
